5 posts tagged “humor”
Mr. Rasmussen posted this video as a comment on my MySpace profile, and I repost it here, because I'm going to comment on it:
Watch it. You might get through the whole thing. I consider it a triumph of human will that I did.
The show is called The 1/2 Hour News Hour, a lame joke that MTV beat them to about twenty years ago begins with a Mary Sue fantasy of Rush and Coulter as President and Vice President, a sight which is sure to draw pulsating, orgasmic exaltations by its conservative viewers. It was unpleasant to watch Rush mug and Coulter stagger through poorly-written dialog and unflatteringly predictable jokes ("Nancy Pelosi? How did she get this number?!"). Though I've never done it, I imagine that this is what it's like watching Sean Hannity masturbate.
The bland hosts then fart out a bagful of standard anti-Democrat jokes, and then cut to commercial with a fake ACLU advertisement. This fake ad mockingly celebrates the ACLU for pushing all the way to the Supreme Court the right for hate groups to march in public. Nobody who claims to support the Constitution would find that to be a negative thing - it's a victory for free speech, which comes in as, yes, the very First Amendment (you know, the one that comes right before the guns one).
My issue with this show has nothing to do with politics. Conservative humor can actually be very funny, when it's done by funny people. Though I do have to say that I find strident Conservatism and its frequently-lame attempts at humor to be a mui macho back-slapping sort of cruelty, the kind I used to see at junior high dodge ball games when the jock-sucking fucknards would high five each other after nailing one of the geeks.
No, my problem with the 1/2 Hour News Hour is that it just isn't funny.
Part of me thinks that partisan leather-sniffers on the right side of the aisle so desperately need constant reassurance that they'll laugh at anything that makes fun of a Democrat, even if it isn't funny. A smaller part of me hopes that even those folks will see that bad comedy is just bad, no matter what the political affiliation of its writers happens to be.
Part 2: Why I'm Clicking No On Your OkCupid Quickmatch Profile
Category: Life
Sorry, dear. I think I saw you in a nightmare once.
I think I saw you in ad once. No, I'm sorry. I think I saw your picture in an ad once.
Let me get this straight: is the door looking for a date?
Interests: Dog strangling.
Is that dancing or setting someone on fire?
Caption: "me at work; coworkers said I needed better pictures"
When do you plan on posting them?
Refer to your shirt.
You could, and I'm sure would hurt me, and not in any of the good ways.
I'm sure you have a good reason for posting a picture of Peter Frampton crushing a kitten, but I don't think it's appropriate.
I will give you twenty bucks if you jump as high as you can right now. Quickly, before they catch on!
I have never dated a dog, and I shall not start now.
Take a guess.
Michael!?
Are you massaging a manatee? Do they like that?
Why I'm Clicking "No" on Your Quickmatch Profile
No,
it's not because of your looks, but because you chose that as your
primary picture to show the world at large, the photograph that you
believe promotes the most basic youness. Boobs smashed up against anything has always been hot. Thanks for ruining it.
Apparently, not enough.
No,
I'm not clicking "no" because of the content of your picture. I
actually find your confidence refreshing. Frankly, you intimidate me.
While I'm normally very much in favor of human cloning, I think it's highly narcissistic to clone yourself.
I find myself both repulsed and intrigued.
I am a 5'3 female who loves to just about anything that you can think
of I love to read write listen to music and just sit on here and talk
to people
I can think of a lot of things, and I'm thinking that maybe you don't love them. Many of them have the word "fissure."
You're
actually pretty cute, and that dog is adorable, but I don't think I
like your obvious lack of cropping skills - really, it isn't that hard.
So, your profile says you're 28. Yeah. And I'm a Chinese jet pilot.
I'm
a polyamorous , gamer , bisexual , transgendered (M2F), Buddhist /
Taoist / Pagan , with furry tendencies. I like to write on occasion. I
also draw a webcomic.
Besides the obvious, you also look like my junior high football coach in a dress.
Yeah. Right.
I don't approve of your use of a rockin', kick-ass font.
I living in Russia. I the good, clever woman. I like to travel, a
nature. I like long is on we shall reduce air. Very much like to
communicate with people.
I tried reducing air on a date once. It was fun until we got to a nature.
Yeah.
You're a tough one. Everything in me screams "click yes!" except for
the little part of me that wonders about the psychology of a person who
puts up a picture of their tits and only their tits. Hell, who am I kidding?
I like older men, I think it started when I was 15 and my first boyfriend was 23.
We have a name for that, you know. It starts with a P and ends with an A.
Sometimes, you just have to let the bangs win.
I like to help others, I have a short fuse and am overly-sensitive.
Oh boy, where do I sign up?
So, did somebody punch you in the head just as the webcam clicked the picture, or did you cultivate that look artificially?
Few people know that I once had an eclectic music career.
I also tried my hand at christian rap.
In the 60s, I was part of the British invasion.
And, naturally, I got caught up in the punk craze.
I always liked Irish drinking songs, so I made an album of those.
Gansta rap was big for a long time, but I sort of came out at the end of it.
Of course, I gave piano jazz a try, too.
Most recently, I made an album of emo music.
